Writing these stories proved to be surprisingly easy and enjoyable. For me it was an exercise in making sense of my world by drawing two things I love, Taoism and coffee, closer together. Not so much coffee as the people who make it- baristas. The heroes in Chuang Tzu’s stories share a lot of qualities with baristas: they work with their hands, are irreverent, and possess a nuanced understanding of the word “failure”. Many of the baristas I know and work with are terrifically talented musicians, artists and actors. But most are unable to support themselves (financially) through their art. However, from a Taoist perspective, this is just fine- it’s better to live the good life in relative obscurity than to rely on the opinions and patronage of others, whose taste is always fickle and often false. Besides, what is “success”, anyway?
A quick note. These characterizations are not based on anyone, living or dead. Mostly I just translated the characters from their ancient setting into a modern coffee shop. A prince becomes a CEO, a butcher a dishwasher. A hollowed-out turtle shell used in the emperor’s divination chamber a sought-after white tea…
(formerly, The Turtle)
Dan Tribeck was covered in espresso dust, humming a tune and dialing in the espresso. Just then, two executives from Starbucks walked in. They looked proud and satisfied with themselves.
Dan said, ‘How can I help you guys?’
They said, ‘Well, Dan, we know who you are and we want to make an offer: we want you to run one of our new stores. In fact, you may have the opportunity to be the regional manager of all the Starbucks in this zip code. What do you think?’
Dan held a pitcher of milk in his hand, staring at the crusty milk that had dried on the outside. ‘Let me ask you something’ he said, ‘That white tea over there, Silver Needles, it came all the way from China. It came from the earliest growth of the tea plant at the very beginning of spring. It was plucked, dried, cooked, stored and brought here where we charge $7 a cup for it. It’s highly valued, apart from all the other teas. But what do you think- would it rather be here on the top shelf in a glass jar, or in the soil, covered with sun, rain and mud?’
The executives looked at each other and said, ‘Of course it would rather be in the mud’.
Said Dan, ‘Then let me grow here in the mud!’
The Useless Job
(formerly, The Useless Tree)
Two baristas were standing next to each other making drinks. One said to the other, ‘I hate this useless job! I should be doing something with my life. It’s not my passion, it won’t become a career, it’ll never be great- this sucks!’
The other barista nodded sympathetically then said, ‘Have you heard of a college professor who lectured for years, kissed all the right asses, and published great work- only to have her tenure denied?
Have you heard of a politician who worked his ass off to get a bill passed- only to be hated by the whole country?
Have you heard of a thirty-something landing a corporate job, making tons of money and not worrying about rent- only to find themselves uninspired?’
Now, have you heard of a barista who was ever denied tenure, hated by the country, or lacking in inspiration? Of course not.
Our job might be useless, but it’s not something anybody’s going to take away from us. Relax. Make drinks. Do what you truly care about when you’re not at work. Besides- wherever you go, people are going to want coffee.’
(formerly, Cutting up an Ox)
A seasoned barista was in the back doing dishes. It was poetry in action. With a scrub and a rub the saucers, mugs and cups became absolutely spotless. She moved so fast that in 10 minutes 5 bus tubs were completely cleared, cleaned and sanitized. What’s more, she hadn’t broken a sweat and appeared to be dancing.
The CEO of the company was standing nearby watching the whole time. When she finished, he went to her and asked, ‘How did you do it?’
‘How? I don’t know how’ she said, ‘When I first started nine years ago, I just saw a big stack of dishes, and it filled me with dread. After a few years, I started to see the individual dishes, one by one. After a few more years, I stopped seeing the individual dishes, and only saw what’s on them, the parts I need to clean. Now, I don’t even touch the dishes with my sponge- with a WHOOSH! SNAP! POW! I clean the dishes without an ounce of pressure, and all the muck falls to the ground effortlessly.
See my sponge? I’ve used the same one for five years. Do you know how many dishes that is!?’
She held up the sponge. It looked like it had just been removed from its plastic wrapper. It smelled like lemons.
‘My God!’ said the CEO, ‘my dish washer has just showed me how to run my company!’
The Boss and the Barista
(formerly, Duke Hwan and the Wheelwright)
The owner of the cafe was sitting down reading a book of philosophy. Skylar was at the bar, making a latte. He finished the drink, set it on the bar, and called out the name of the customer. He set down his pitcher of milk and said to the owner, ‘Sir, what is it you are reading there?’
‘The experts’, he said, ‘I’m reading the experts. Great philosophers: Heidegger, Nietzshe, Adorno, Kant.’
Skylar asked, ‘Are they dead or alive?’
‘Dead!’ laughed the owner, ‘They’ve been dead for a long time.’
‘Then you’re only reading the trash they left behind.’
‘What!?’ said the owner ‘What did you say? You better have a good explanation- otherwise you’re fired!’
‘Well, let’s look at it from a barista’s point of view. When I steam my milk, I have to do it just right. Remove the wand too much, I get too many bubbles. Put the wand in too much, I don’t get any foam at all. If I am too soft, it does not work. If I am too forceful, it does not work. If I am neither too soft nor too forceful, it comes out just right.
Now, how can I share this knowledge with another person? I can try to tell them with words- I can tell them everything I know- but they must feel it for themselves. I can’t even show my boyfriend how to do it.
Furthermore, when I die, no one will know how I do what I do. It’s the same with the philosophers- everything they knew they took with them to their graves. All they left behind was- trash!
Ten in the Morning
(Formerly, Three In the Morning)
The shift-leader came out to the floor and said to all the baristas, ‘OK, we’re starting breaks at 10:30. But before that I want you to finish the list’.
All the baristas clamored and beat their chests. They said, ‘No! No! We want breaks now!’
The shift-leader thought for a second, not wanting to lose his authority. Then he said, ‘OK, OK. How bout this: We start breaks at 10:00, and then after that you finish the list.’
All the baristas shouted with glee.
What happened? The two scenarios were identical, in that everyone had a break, and all the work would get done. But in one scenario the baristas were happy, and in the other scenario all the baristas were displeased. What happened was the shift-leader was willing to give up his own personal agenda to meet the demands of the group. In so doing, he lost nothing.